June 30, 2015

Discussed setting parameters and rules for creation/'making' at book club yesterday. Things like deciding to take a picture of yourself every Wednesday or whatever-whatever to force yourself into the habit of just doing the arty things that you're just not doing. S, who is probably the most accomplished of the lot of us when it comes to sticking to creative endeavors, said she preferred to think of such things as "prompts," and I thought there was some wisdom in that. You can take pride in rule breaking, but while prompts are fun to bend or twist, there's no emotional component to ignoring them that would make it tempting (or at least justifiable) to do so.


I've flirted with that sort of thing for this blog, seriously considering a few and going so far as to lay the groundwork for one (only to back way the fuck up when it went in a direction I didn't expect). The problem, I told the group, is that every idea I have sounds trite to me after I've thought about it for a few days. They were all like, "Duh. Did you not even listen to the assigned Ted Talks? You have to just do it anyway." And I guess they're right.


Anyway, the idea stayed at the front of my mind all day today, but every time I considered what my "rule" could be I got annoyed by the thought of all the unfinished projects that I have that don't fit under a larger umbrella "prompt." I decided that I should commit to finishing them before starting any other grand scheme and then realized that, duh again, that was kind of a rule in itself. So that's going to be my parameter for a while anyway. Believe me, there's plenty of content to be mined.


The obvious thing to have done first would have been to pull out the circle tree tapestry and finish the, like, three lines of stem stitch that I have left to do on the thing. It would provide a nice narrative structure to my writing so far. However, I conveniently-inconveniently left the guide for it in my sewing TRUNK which is still at the house (unlike my sewing BASKET which I moved to the condo right away) so that was a no-go.


I actually found "Oh tonight I can't because... " reasons for almost all of my works in progress, but I did have a skirt that I purchased at the thrift store in January with the intention of shortening and never did. It's a mid-calf length Sag Harbor thing, which sounds unpromising, but it was in the deep discount bin and I liked the pattern and fabric. (Fewer and fewer things at the thrift store are made of decent fabric, and this worries me. What will I wear when all that is left is disposable fast-fashion cast offs?)


Anyway, I don't know where the Sag Harbor line is originally sold, but it's fairly ubiquitous on thrift store racks, reliably both well made and frumpy. I pulled it out of the closet, put Welcome to Night Vale 70 parts A and B on my headphones (because I am NEVER going to have listened to those episodes often enough to satisfy my slashy little heart), and got to work.

I have a knee length skirt now! Yeah!

Please ignore the graininess and the fact that it took me and J exactly two weeks to get out of the New House excitement and back into the habit of leaving the drying rack up at all times and a bunch of guitars in the middle of the living room floor. Maybe taking a decent picture of this can be another unfinished project...

Let's add another random rule to my project and say that I have to do this once a week. We'll see where it goes.

June 20, 2015

Moved back to the condo and spent the first week without internet thanks to a scheduling error with Time Warner on my part. (How frustrating. It was my own fault and so I was robbed even of indignation and the right to complain...) But, I'm back now!


I do have a longer post fermenting, with pictures and rambles and everything, but right now I just wanted to stop and notice how long its been since things like going grocery shopping and making lunch have made me happy. I just got back from the grocery store, and I am so, SO happy.


The home we found for my MiL is very different from the facility she had to move into when the doctors first confirmed that she could no longer live on her own. There are only 6 families, and last week the director scheduled a kind of board meeting of primary care givers, just to talk about how things are going, what concerns people have, and perhaps most importantly, what wisdom families of seasoned residents can offer to new families like myself and J. (Yeah, Corporate Nursing Home NEVER had anything like that, and anyway, the residents and staff turned over so quickly, it doesn't seem like there would have been a point.)


A refrain that came up over and over again was how hard it is to let go. How hard it is to 'leave them there.'


Maybe because we've experienced a very different, much less ideal assisted living situation, maybe because K is my partner's mother and not my own, maybe just because I was so, so tired... I haven't found it hard at all.


J has expressed similar thoughts, although in his mind they may be related to the fact that he is a Son and not a Daughter. Everyone else at the caregiver's meeting was a Daughter.


Regardless, I am coming back to simple things like putting together a small salad for lunch with new appreciation. I don't know if I should feel guilty for feeling so relieved, but I do feel SO relieved.